last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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