Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
