My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
