He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
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