There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize