he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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