I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
