every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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