I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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