it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Randomize