I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
