You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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