Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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