in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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