Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize