I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
