id be glad to
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
