Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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