dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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