shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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