You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
