Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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