Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
