My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
