She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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