I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
