I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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