dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
