Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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