his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
