Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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