Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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