the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
