I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
