Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
