They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
