WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
