I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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