Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
