It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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