I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
