Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
