Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
