i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
