Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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