I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
