the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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