So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
