i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
