Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
don't judge my taste in strippers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
