i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
