He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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