You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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