That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
