I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
