Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
