i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
