Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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