Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
