I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
