I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize