It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
