I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
