who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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