Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
